Parenting Assessment: Discovering Strengths and Beyond

The art of giving parents feedback after using a parenting scale seems to have struck a chord.  I’ve just been invited to conduct our first feedback workshop with NORWESCAP Early Head Start in New Jersey. This has emboldened me to continue writing on the topic of supporting parental change guided by a parenting assessment.  In the first KIPS Cradle post we discussed inviting the parent to identify strengths as the first step in effective feedback.  Helping a parent find her own effective behaviors creates a sense of safety and provides valuable insights into the parent’s awareness of her strengths.

Strange as it may sound, I recommend you Identify More Strengths!  An observational parenting assessment tool, can help you identify strengths the parent may miss, and many KIPS users find that it helps them see strengths of which they were previously unaware.  For an example, go to KIPS Library > Resources > KIPS Advisors to hear Michelle Rusniak, Parent Child Center in Florida share her insights on a strength-based perspective when interpreting KIPS scores.  You can purchase a KIPS Library Subscription at our website, ComfortConsults.com.

 Using video can help you point out personal strengths to the parent and reinforce more of her effective parenting behaviors.  Behaviors that are reinforced get stronger and become more frequent. 

Beyond reinforcing the newly identified strengths, pointing out even more strengths helps you build your relationship with the parent.  It helps her realize that you really value her.  In the first step, you supported the parent in recognizing her strengths.  In this step you are extending this by pointing out even more strengths.  You can then strategize together about how to build on these, making them even more effective and more consistent. 

Of course, everyone has room for improvement.  After focusing on strengths, you can turn to opportunities for improvement.  That’s right, rather than focusing on what the parent did “wrong” you can turn to opportunities to do better next time.  You can ask the parent, “What’s one thing you might want to do better when interacting with your child?”  Another way of asking the question is, “What could have gone better?”  Here you are giving the parent an opportunity to choose the focus of your work together.  Having choice increases motivation.  Rather than telling a parent where he needs to improve, ask the parent to select the goal.  Then you can join together as partners in improving the area he chooses.  Again, this has multiple advantages.  You are joining with the parent to develop a plan to improve a behavior, and giving choice builds your relationship with the parent, just as it can build the parent-child relationship.  

To avoid overwhelming the parent, it is important to limit the number of behaviors you are working to change to one, or no more than two.  As you work hard to build and maintain your relationship with the parent, it is important not to ask her to do more than she reasonably can.  A long list of things that need fixing can be demoralizing.  Partnering with the parent to work on one thing she identified increases your chance of success and strengthens your working relationship.  Once you have made good progress, you can celebrate the success, and then together seek another opportunity for improvement.  Some KIPS users find that focusing on one behavior improves others.  This may comfort you in selecting just one behavior at a time, when you are aware of others that need work too. 

In this case you can provide support by saying this is already a strength.  Then you can prompt him to move on; “Lets try something else that will help your child.”  This little prompt can stretch the parent to go beyond their current comfort zone. 

If the parent chooses something that just needs a little tweaking when there are other major concerns, you may need to direct his focus to areas that are likely to be more productive.  Two strategies might help.  First, reviewing the video together, and pointing our where the child’s responses give cues for improvement, might develop a desire to improve in a fruitful area. Second, showing the parent a list of the 12 KIPS items or the Tool in the KIPS Library on Promoting Responsive Parenting (see KIPS Library > Resources > Tools), and asking which one she might want some help with, might open an opportunity for you to work together?  It is important to make this a mutual decision on a journey you will take together.

So far we have supported self-assessment of strengths, pointed out other strengths the parent didn’t identify, and we have supported parents in choosing a specific opportunity for improvement upon which we can work together. 

We would love for the KIPS Cradle to become a forum for exploring and deepening our work with parents.  Try identifying more strengths and asking the parent to choose one behavior to work on.