Six Steps to Parent Feedback Success: #3 Improvement and Future Focus

In previous posts, we discussed how steps were taken after conducting a parenting assessment –  identifying strengths, developing a thoughtful strategy, and protecting self-esteem – combine to increase your success with feedback to a parent.  This post will discuss how Focusing on Improvement and the Future can also contribute to positive change in parenting.

Like a snapshot, a parenting assessment captures a moment in time. Sadly, we have no control of our past.  What’s done is done goes the old saying.  Fortunately, we can control our future actions.  This is a truth we can use in supporting parents.

However, remember our previous step in giving feedback, protecting self-esteem. Focusing too much on what someone has done poorly can damage self-esteem.  One of the values, but risks of conducting an observational parenting assessment is that you can gain many insights into opportunities for improvement.  Providing a detailed analysis of mistakes is not all that beneficial to most people.  Handing a parent a summary sheet with many low scores isn’t very helpful.  In fact it could be damaging, as we discussed in the post on self-esteem.  This reminds me of school, when my teacher sent my English papers back with more red marks on the page than my original writing in pencil.  Rather than learning, I felt defeated.  Learning to write seemed daunting.  I am now certain the teacher meant well.  But at the time, I couldn’t see past all that red ink to her helpful intent.  Similarly, rather than detailing every low score from the parenting assessment, we can partner with the parent by focusing on improvement of a single behavior.  Once successful, we can move on to another opportunity for improvement. Then again, once we have success, we can focus on improving another.  Focusing on manageable opportunities in sequence will prove more successful than dumping them all on a parent at once. 

Beyond helping you identify where the parent can improve, the parenting assessment ‘s behavioral descriptions for high ratings  guide you specifically to what the parent could do differently.  For example, all 12 KIPS items assess behaviors which can be learned, and therefore improved.  Thus, when your observation points to a low score for an item, the behavioral descriptions for the higher scores for that item serve as guide posts to improvement.  Using the behavioral descriptions as a guide helps you focus specifically on improvement.

Focusing on the future and improvements, makes for a powerful combination.  As discussed above, parents don’t control their past.  But using a parenting assessment, you can partner with parents to influence their future.  This focus on what the parent can do differently the next time the opportunity presents itself is a key step to promoting more nurturing parenting.

 When giving feedback, state your suggestion as something to do in the future such as, “In the future, how about trying it this way?  Or Next time your child does X, what do you think about …? 

How do you phrase suggestions that are focused on the future and improvement?  Please share your experience in the comments section below. 

In the next article in this series we will explore being interactive and flexible while giving feedback.