6 Steps to Parent Feedback Success: #1 A Thoughtful Strategy

In two previous KIPS Cradle posts we discussed identifying strengths and supporting a parent in selecting an improvement goal.  Now let’s turn to collaborating with a parent to work on a goal.  There are six principles of effective feedback we will consider:

1)      Starting with a Thoughtful Strategy

2)      Protecting Self-Esteem

3)      Focusing on Improvement and the Future 

4)      Being Interactive and Flexible

5)      Having a Helping Spirit

6)      Being Specific and Prescriptive

Over the next several KIPS Cradle Posts we will explore each of these 6 principles regarding giving feedback to parents after conducting a parenting assessment.

Let’s start with #1, a thoughtful strategy.  For some people, strategy has a negative connotation.  Another way to express this principle is thinking through your approach prior to meeting with the parent.  Much of the thoughtful strategy will be thinking through how you will incorporate the other five principles into your feedback to the parent.  Developing your thoughtful strategy is an ideal topic for supervision.  Talking through your strategy with someone can help develop a successful approach for each family.  In the feedback workshop, we use a worksheet to help participants plan their strategies prior to starting with a parent.

Sometimes we are aware that something has to improve, but exactly what needs to change is unclear. Having an observational parenting assessment can help you fill in the missing pieces.  Because you have observed the parent in action using a structured parenting assessment tool, you have very specific guidance on what specific behaviors are strong and where the parent can improve. The anchors in the scale can guide you to the specific behaviors the parent can change.  Starting with the end you want to achieve in mind is a big step toward supporting positive and specific  parenting changes.  Having a clear vision of what the parent can do differently prepares you to partner with the parent on the path to change.

Another aspect of your thoughtful approach is considering the state of your relationship with the parent.  The feedback you can give a parent you are just starting to work with is different than feedback for a parent you have been working with for a long time.  If you feel the parent is highly engaged with your services, you can go faster and further than with a parent who has yet to fully engage.  Many of the principles we will explore in future posts will help you build the relationship, while supporting positive changes.  Because most programs aim to work with a parent over an extended period, building the relationship is key to success.

You need to consider the parent’s readiness for change.  If the parent chose the goal, as we discussed in an earlier post, your feedback will be more welcomed than if you chose this goal for the parent.  This is one of the key benefits to the earlier step of having the parent select the goal.  If you are partnering to address a need the parent identified, your feedback is more likely to be accepted.

As you begin working with a parent, starting with identifying strengths helps you build the relationship and your credibility.  Even before you conduct your first parenting assessment, you can be pointing out the parent’s strengths, that is, building your feedback bank account.  By pointing out the strengths early, you are building up credit with the parent, which can prove important when you are working to change a behavior.  If the parent first experiences you pointing out positive things, then when you start offering suggestions on how to improve, she is more likely to accept them.  Part of your thoughtful strategy is checking your feedback bank account.  Do you have  a postive balance you can draw from?

To be successful you need the parent to consider you a credible source.  If you point out things as strengths which really aren’t, you lose credibility, rather than building it.  So you need to be genuine when pointing out strengths.  Furthermore, the information you provide must be useful and credible.  Being a source of reliable information contributes to your credibility, again increasing the chance you will be heard when the time comes to facilitate parental change.

Another part of a thoughtful approach is selecting your words carefully.  As you form your relationship with the parent, listen to his word choices.  The more similar your language is to his, the more likely you are to be heard.  Knowing your parent’s interest helps you send the information on a channel he will receive.  If Dad uses sports references, when giving feedback, you might be more successful by choosing words from his favorite sport.  If Mom likes to dance, then referring to dance in your suggestions increases your chances of being heard and understood.  Knowing your parent’s interests helps you send the information on a channel she or he can receive.